West Bank, MPLS - On 8:30pm January 28th, 2006 cyclists, drunkards and mustache enthusiasts converged in Minneapolis for the 3rd Annual “Running of the Mustaches” aka ‘Stache Bash 2k6″ aka “Who Wants a Mustache Ride?”. The mass of humanity gathered at Freewheel Bike’s parking lot in the drizzling rain. It was pleasant for a January night but the riders knew that without proper clothing and warming up, serious injury would be inevitable. The cagey veterans bought out flasks of various brown colored liquors and passed them around. They knew this as the only way to loosen and limber the mustaches and prevent follicle micro-fracture. Once the proper amount of liquor and introductions had been passed around the crew rode off to the University of Minnesota Campus to make any unsuspecting students second guess the type of world they were preparing for. From the University the ride meandered through the Marcy-Holmes and St. Anthony neighborhoods.

Girl Carl was struck with a triple-puncture without the sufficient tools make the repair. Fortunately Maia and T3 were there to assist and wound up using duct tape to get her back on the road.

Soon the group grew anxious. They had been promised alcohol and karaoke so a stop at Elsies was made. As they entered the crowded bar cried out “Mustaches!” The sight of the crew added a bit of ‘zazz to some fellas homecoming party from prison or the military and Sov broke every girl in the rooms heart by crooning The Boss’s “Born to Run”.

Once everyone was sufficiently lubed up we cut through Boom Island and St. Anthony Parks. It was nice a solid mix of mud, snow, ice and puddles. This was certainly the most epic mustache ride ever. Another beer, cigarette and rest stop way made as we crossed the ped bridge over 35W. Then, it was on to Peacock Groove’s studio space where an unnecessary obstacle course, hot chocolate and some beer awaited.

The obstacle course was a 4 rider relay out-and-back course. The first rider would don an official Cat. 6 cape ride to a set of tires, run through them, ride to the next set, run through, ride to 50-Grit’s patented ad-hoc cyclocross barriers, hurdle them and ride to the beer table to drink a dixie cup in such a way as to give the rider a foamy mustache. Then it was a full sprint back to the start to exchange the cape with the next rider. 2 teams would race at a time. Some people went fast, some, fell down, some had some bike parts broken. Winner? Nobody! No team was able to beat the qualifying time that the well-drilled Cat. 6 team set in prelims earlier in the week and no team had brought along their insurance and registration form. Sorry.

The group was fractured after the obstacle course but all reconvened in the back room of Town Hall Brewery. They were quickly joined by a cutout of Jan Ullrich!!! In a full C6RS casual kit, no less. Skidsy handed out the Mustache Match worksheets and everyone looked around for a pen. Everyone quickly got to the drinking at hand. As soon as everyone was too liquored up to realize the crap they were taking home Derrick handed out the awards for the evening. A good night for Cat. 6 and the NAAM (National Association for the Advancement of Mustaches)

And the award goes to…

Extra special thanks to the Townhall Brewery for hosting. Everyone got fed after hours and regardless of ridiculous upper lip pubes.

Tyler and Fill are reported still wearing their respective moustaches. Tyler likes signing autographs as Ron Jeremy and Fil hasn’t been carded at a bar since. This may last a while.